


The Accidental Break-up

by critterdee_67, JenSpinner



Series: The Collective Works of Jen & Dee [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Car Accidents, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Jealous Castiel (Supernatural), Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Miscommunication, Mugging, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, Past Infidelity - Not Destiel, Sexual Content, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:26:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28226853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterdee_67/pseuds/critterdee_67, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenSpinner/pseuds/JenSpinner
Summary: Dean and Cas get into a row over something the really bothers Cas but doesn't mean that much to Dean. Could Dean's actions cause the end of their relationship? Might Castiel be acting immature and selfish? When Cas gets out of the car during a fight and Dean drives away - what will happen to the two of them?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: The Collective Works of Jen & Dee [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1874203
Comments: 116
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

It had been undoubtedly the best six months of his life, because of Cas. He had never connected with someone so easily, but with Cas it all came so naturally. The only problem was that something else that came naturally to Dean threatened to ruin everything. He was a flirt, it was no secret, only now the problem was that his big mouth and flirty nature could jeopardize the best thing that had ever happened to him, his and Castiel’s relationship.

They had met six months ago, right here in Rocky’s bar, where the floor was beer sticky but the company was good. Dean, a regular, had eyed the tall, dark stranger in the corner of the room for the entire length of Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer before he’d confidently walked over to him and introduced himself. The stranger, ‘ _Castiel’_ as Dean had learned, had smiled at Dean’s obvious flirting, laughed at his terrible jokes and occasional good one, and accepted Dean’s offer to buy him a drink. 

Dean was helpless against Cas’s good looks but he hadn’t expected to be immediately smitten with the serious way the man talked about the importance of bees or how strongly he felt about testing cosmetics on animals. Dean thought he was the most interesting person he’d ever met. Dean remembers how that formal way of talking loosened up as the night went on, and as the beer flowed. He’s not sure if it was the drinks or that Cas was becoming more comfortable with him, but he could tell the man's personality was shining through and he very much liked what he saw. Cas wasn’t just drop dead gorgeous, he was smart, and funny and he clearly cared about shit. There was nothing not to like, Dean never stood a chance. 

They talked a while at the bar then got a booth and continued exchanging stories until late in the night. They found that they actually had a fair bit in common, both had grown up with siblings, Cas has an older brother, Gabriel, and Dean has a younger one, Sam. Neither of them were in love with their job, but they didn’t hate them either. They were comfortable and the bills got paid on time. By the end of the evening they had traded phone numbers and made plans to go together out that weekend. Dean walked Cas to his truck and they kissed good night. 

It hadn’t been a particularly heated kiss, as Dean had refrained from any hint of tongue action on principle, but it had still lit his very soul on fire. He had favoured the romantic promise held in a gentle kiss, where their lips met in graceful unison as his thumb wondered the lines of Castiel’s jaw, whispering his desires for more against the man's stubble. 

The ‘not so heated first kiss’ was the start of a very ‘heated’ relationship. Their first few dates went so well in fact, that it didn’t take long for Castiel to invite Dean back to his place for ‘drinks’ and then proceed to rip his clothes off in a fit of desperate passion before they’d barely even made it to the bedroom. 

Without trying to sound smug or slimy, well not sound as he wouldn’t confess it out loud anyway - Dean was pretty sure that he and Castiel were literally made for one and other. All chick-flick-vomit-inducing-cliché’s aside, Castiel was perfect. The man was stunning, funny, caring, a demon in the sack and yeah… ‘smitten’ pretty much covers it for how Dean was feeling about the guy.

So much so that Dean had even agreed with Cas around the four month mark of their relationship, that it was time they announced to their family and friends that they were together. Having never been in a relationship long enough to declare it before, Dean had found himself feeling slightly nervous to tell his brother that not only did he have a boyfriend, but that it was getting pretty serious. Castiel, for his part, informed Dean several times that he didn’t have to tell his family yet if he wasn’t ready but Dean waved him off and told him in no uncertain terms that he was not ashamed of who he was and he was absolutely not ashamed of Castiel either. 

_‘I can’t wait to show you off, Cas. You’re not my dirty little secret, you’re my boyfriend. I’m not ashamed or hiding, I’m just nervous the same way anyone is when introducing their new partner to their family. Ya know? So, please don’t for one second think I’m hiding you or not ready to be with you. I’m here, I’m queer. Ain’t no one silencing us!’_

By the fifth month of dating Cas, Dean had been toying with the idea of asking him to move in. Dean’s younger brother was off at college and therefore he was living alone in a two-bedroom apartment. For about a week, after first having the idea, he had tried to convince himself that it was just because he missed having someone else there. His giant moose of a brother’s absence was hard not to notice. He tried to believe that he just wanted some company - not that he just really wanted Cas there all the time; eventually however, he had to admit to himself that yes - he just really wanted to live with his boyfriend. 

Unfortunately, or not, depending on how you looked at it... the part of his brain that shouted at him that it was too soon, would not be silenced and the thought of scaring Castiel off if it turned out it was too soon was enough to make Dean decide to wait a bit longer. Cas lived in a smaller one-bedroom apartment across town, which Dean hated. He isn’t a snob or anything but he didn’t feel like Cas was safe there. It was well known for being a bit of a rough area. Luckily, they spent most of their time at Dean’s place anyway.

Tonight, their six-month anniversary date, had started off with a delicious meal at their favorite Italian place and they were now finishing off the evening with drinks at the same bar where they met. Dean had grinned like a love sick idiot when Castiel had said that it would be romantic to relive the moment for their anniversary. He’d turned up the charm and was determined to remind Castiel why he’d agreed to that first date with him all those months ago. 

********

Unfortunately, Dean’s ‘charm’ was radiating from him far beyond Castiel and had caught the attention of not only the burly barman with the scruffy beard, but also the busty waitress with the false eyelashes, who had a giggle to rival that of Betty Rubbles. 

“Dean, would you, _please_ , stop?” Castiel asks, in a low voice when the waitress turns to walk away.

“Stop what?” Dean asks, looking at Cas like he has two heads.

“You’re flirting with the waitress.” 

“Was I flirting? I don’t think I was flirting. I was just being friendly.” Dean grins at Cas with a playful smirk.

Cas just puts his head in his hands and groans. 

“Come on, Cas? We’re supposed to be having a good time. I’m just in a great mood and if it happens to overflow into me being nice to the wait staff, I can’t help that.” 

“But that smile and the wink are more than just being nice. It’s flirting.” Cas nearly growls at Dean.

“Fine. I hear you, Cas. I won’t be nice to anyone but you for the rest of the night.” Dean says, like the super mature adult he is. He looks away from Castiel and picks up his beer taking a long draught and wondering how to get things back on track.

Castiel just rolls his eyes and takes a drink of his own beer. It’s not the first time they’ve argued over Dean’s flirty nature. 

Dean can’t figure out why it bothers Cas so much, he knows he doesn’t mean it. He has told Cas before that he’s always been this way, he doesn’t mean anything by it and people that know Dean already know what he’s like. It’s not like he is leading anyone on, his friends and family know he is with Cas, he’s happy with Cas… He’s just a natural flirt. He looks up at Cas who seems to be glaring at the floor now and a small defiant part of him rears its head, forcing him to bite back the remark that Cas should lighten up. 

******

On the drive home though, when it’s clear that Cas is still being off with him, Dean made the mistake of voicing his earlier thought. Which led them to where they are now; sitting in Dean’s car which is pulled over to the side of the road, not all that far from the bar. Dean has his eyes closed against the tidal wave of anger coming at him from his boyfriend. The argument between them had gained fuel now and he didn't want to drive and fight. Insensitive shit he may be at times, dangerous driver, never. 

"You're not even listening to me, are you!?" demands Castiel, as he notices Dean's closed eyes.

"Yeah, Cas I am. I hear you," says Dean, fighting the impulse to roll his eyes. He’d wanted this evening to be special, romantic. He didn’t understand how it had come to this, so he smiled at a waitress? Big deal? What’s he supposed to do, be a miserable bastard to everyone but Cas? 

"Funny! That's what you said the first time I asked you not to keep flirting with the waitress and the next and the next... But you continued to do it the whole evening! And it’s not the first time I’ve asked you not to do that. Why can’t you see how much this bothers me?"

"I'm sorry, Cas. I can't help it, I don't mean to upset you!"

"Well, news flash Dean. It does. I wouldn’t continue to keep doing something that made you this uncomfortable, if you asked me not to… I just wouldn’t! I really don't..." Castiel starts stumbling around his words as his anger and emotions begin to daze him and make his head hurt, "I can't, you just.... ugh."

Dean's eyes widen in shock when Castiel shoots an awful glare in his direction and then opens the car door on his side. He gets out of the car and slams the door closed behind him without another word. Stepping away, without looking back at Dean. 

Dean watches as Cas gets out of the car, the retort he’d been trying to correctly word in his head dies on his lips as the door slams shut beside him. What the fuck was that? Did Cas just walk out on him? Was he seriously so offended by Dean being nice to other people that he just left. What the hell was he playing at? How jealous and insecure did that make him that something as simple as Dean smiling at a waitress was enough to shake their otherwise strong foundation? Righteous anger built within him with how forcefully Cas had slammed the door, he knew how much Dean cared about his car, was that some kind of spiteful revenge shit? 

His anger faded as he stared at Castiel for a few moments, he looked tired and his shoulders were sagging sadly. Dean frowned, was this it? Was Cas about to break up with him? Was that what him getting out of the car meant? How long was Dean supposed to wait here, feeling like his world was on fire. Like a lightning strike it suddenly hit him right in the heart; what losing Castiel might actually feel like. 

Dean’s not bothered by people he is seeing flirting with others but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have issues. His isn’t being jealous, but being left behind. Everyone he had ever connected with - had left him. He’d always been the one who’d fought for something that apparently wasn’t mutual and had then been left standing there alone, feeling stupid and worthless. Even his brother had left him to run off to college and hadn’t that stung like a bitch. 

His throat tightens and he feels the beginnings of hot tears fill up his eyes and blur his vision. He roughly wipes his face and clears his throat. Determined to salvage any pride he might still have left, he starts up his car and without even a glance in Castiel’s direction, he drives away. If ending things is what Castiel wants, then so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

Driving away from Castiel after that fight was probably one of the hardest things Dean had ever had to do. Several times he had slowed and nearly turned back but each time something stopped him. He hadn’t thought that he and Cas would end like that. If he was honest, he hadn’t thought he and Castiel would end at all. He had, naively apparently, believed that they were stronger than one bad fight. His mind runs over the row in his head, Castiel had been so angry with him. He had been so cross, that he hadn’t even been able to stay in the car with him. He’d needed to literally get away from Dean, so he’d gotten out of the car and walked away. 

The look Castiel had given him before getting out of the car flashed across Dean’s mind, the anger in his eyes had been a little bit terrifying. Dean knows there was more to their argument than was actually said out loud; Castiel had never looked at Dean like that before. It was that glare, as well as the implications that he didn’t trust Dean, that really hurt. 

His vision is blurry and his heart is racing, already aching with loss. Dean knows it’s not good for him to be driving in this state, but he’s so angry with Cas and with himself that he just doesn't care. Wiping his eyes, he doesn’t see the wooden board lying in the road ahead and drives directly over it. He almost jumps out of his skin when a loud bang, something sounding like a gunshot going off, explodes  frighteningly close to him. The sudden dip to the right side of the car lets him know immediately, he’s blown a tire.  Dean’s eyes widen in alarm as the car shudders violently beneath him. He clenches his fingers around the wheel desperately, trying to keep the car under control. His heart seizes with panic when he sees a chunk of rubber fly past the passenger side window. Somehow, he resists the urge to slam on the brakes, knowing this could make the car flip. 

Doing his best to remain calm he slowly lifts his foot off the gas pedal and starts muttering encouraging words to the car as she gradually begins to slow down. Gripping the steering tightly he turns the car to the side of the road but j ust when he thinks he is going to get through this ordeal safely, the car jerks sharply to the right. He hits the curb of the sidewalk and loses his grip on the steering wheel. The car hurtles off the road faster than he’d hoped and hits a mailbox in the process, luckily it wasn’t one of those surrounded by bricks. 

The car skids to an ungraceful stop, shredding up someone's carefully manicured lawn as it does. Dean’s head falls back in relief that the ‘crash’ - if you could really call it that - hadn’t been any worse. Sitting there in the driver's seat, he takes a few moments to calm down. Catching his breath and waiting for his heart rate to settle before doing a mental walkthrough and checking he wasn’t injured. He flicks the car's hazard lights on and opens the door slowly, feeling the shock of the cool evening air on his skin as the light breeze hits him. He takes a deep breath as he looks at the smashed mailbox pieces that were scattered around his car. He clutches the car door as he gets wobbly to his feet, apparently still feeling the effects of the adrenaline running through his veins.

He carefully walks around to the right side of the car to investigate the damage. He curses as his eyes take in the sight of the torn-up flat tire and dented front bumper, hood, and fender. 

“Aww, Baby. What did I do to you?” he asks softly, looking at his car as though she were a beloved family member that had been injured. Scowling, he turns and kicks the offending mailbox just on principle. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and calls for a tow truck. Then he leans back against the side of the car to wait.

“Just perfect,” he grumbles to himself. 

*****

Dean makes it home at about two o’clock in the morning. He had had to wait about an hour for the tow truck and then it took forever to get everything hashed out at the mechanic’s shop. Once his Uber dropped him off at his apartment he was exhausted and ready to fall into bed and sleep for about a week. He checks his phone as he walks up to his front door, having texted Cas a couple of times while he was waiting around. He’d been worried about him and just wanted to know he’d gotten home safely. However, Cas had not replied and Dean shook his head bitterly, tucking his phone back into his pocket and figuring that Cas was probably just still too angry to talk. 

Finally, he makes his way into his apartment, feeling instantly lonely when he spots the snacks he’d set up on the coffee table before he’d left to pick up Cas earlier. His traitorous mind then reminds him of the fancy bottle of wine he had chilling in the fridge… as well as the brand new tube of lube waiting by his bed. They had planned to spend the night together here tonight and should have been finishing off their anniversary with some amazing sex… but those plans had been derailed by their fight. 

Feeling grungy after being at the mechanic’s shop he decided he needed a shower before falling into bed. Once he was in his pajama pants he fell into bed, feeling miserable and achy. He checked the time and even though it was late, he figured he’d better call Cas and make sure he made it home. Cas may already be asleep but it was worth the try. He wasn’t a total ass, after all, maybe like ‘half-ass’ at the moment. Leaning back against the headboard he hit call on Cas’s contact and waited. It rang and rang and finally went to voicemail. 

“Hey, Cas. I.. I, um just wanted to make sure you got home safe? Guess you’re sleeping, sorry, I know it’s late. Maybe we can talk about everything tomorrow?” He hung up and put his phone on charge for the night. Rolling over he grabbed the pillow that Cas usually used and curled around it, smelling Cas’s scent on it was a little bittersweet, but it did eventually help him get to sleep. 

The next morning, Dean checked his phone and was a little surprised to find that there were no messages or missed calls from Cas. His heart sank at the realization that maybe Cas was really done with him and didn’t even want to talk to him. They had argued before and even walked out on each other during a fight, but they always called by the next day to make up… which was usually followed fairly quickly by some very intense makeup sex - not that Dean was thinking about that at all. Nope. 

Pulling his mind out of the gutter he sighed, _ ‘Maybe Cas just needs some more time?’ _

Just before Dean left to catch the Uber he’d called to take him to work, his phone rang. He hurriedly pulled it from his pocket but was crestfallen when it wasn’t Cas’s number. It was the mechanic calling to say that they would have to keep his car for at least three days to get all the parts and fix the dents. On the drive to work, Dean tried calling Cas again. But once again, it went straight to voicemail. 

“Okay, I get that you’re still angry with me. But, we should talk sometime soon.” He didn’t feel like getting too deep into the situation on a voicemail while in the front seat of an Uber. 

Dean’s day sucked and felt like it went on forever. When lunch finally came around, he tried texting Cas again, he got no reply. He walked down the street to McDonald’s, he hadn’t been up to fixing himself a proper lunch this morning and wasn’t in the mood to try to find anything better. He was pissed about his car and felt shitty about how he’d left things with Cas, so he absolutely planned to eat his feelings in the form of a large greasy McDonald’s Big Mac and fries. He knew Cas would have something to say about him eating so poorly, but Cas currently wasn’t talking to him. So, he reasoned that Cas could just suck it. 

The afternoon progressed and he still hadn’t received any word from Cas. By the time he was getting ready for bed, he had gone from angry, to worried, to miserable and was now working his way back around to getting angry again. Why the hell wasn’t Castiel answering? Was he so pissed over a little harmless flirting that he wanted to give up on their relationship? Okay, so Dean can admit (even if only to himself at the moment) that he shouldn’t have driven away… and Cas was probably really angry about that. But Dean couldn’t believe that he was angry enough not to at least text him and give him shit for it? Dean was used to Cas holding his own and standing toe to toe with him when they had an argument, this silent treatment Cas seemed to be working, was new and Dean hated it. He had no idea what to do with silence. 

********

A few days (of agonizing silence from Castiel) later and the mechanic called and let Dean know that his car was ready for pick up. Finally, some good news - at least he was getting one of his ‘baby’s’ back. As it was already past lunchtime, and Friday, he decided to take the rest of the day off. He took an Uber to the shop, then once he had his baby back and had sworn up and down to take better care of her (to her, screw what the mechanic’s thought), he took her for a short drive to check she was really alright before going to the do-it-yourself car wash. He decided that his baby deserved a spa day after having to stay nearly a week at the mechanic’s shop. After giving the outside a good washing, he pulled around to the large industrial vacuums and began to clean out the inside. She wasn’t too dirty, he always liked to keep his car as clean as possible anyway. He wasn’t one to toss trash under the seats. So, he was surprised when the vacuum made a loud sucking noise like he had caught something in the end, he reached under the passenger side of the seat and pulled out the offending item. Dean sat down on the pavement and just stared at what he had pulled out from under the seat. 

It was Cas’s phone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Cas - who let the record state - had only stepped out of the car to catch his breath and try to calm down, not wanting to say something he might regret later, watched helplessly as Dean drove away. His head cocked to the side in confusion and his eyebrows pinched together in a tight frown. Dean was leaving him stranded... Clearly ending things with him in the absolute harshest fashion by literally leaving him by the side of the road. Alone in the darkness. He blinked as he watched the Chevy’s rear lights fade and eventually disappear from his view. 

“What the actual…” he shook his head. Was this really happening? Did Dean seriously just drive away from him, rather than face their issues? What the fuck?

After standing there for what felt like hours watching to see if Dean was going to come back, he straightens his shoulders and walks back toward the bar. The whole way he mutters angrily to himself about what an asshole Dean is and how he couldn’t believe he’d driven away from him. He doesn’t want to go back into the bar, he doesn’t want anyone to see him alone after being there earlier with Dean, especially after their not-all-that-quiet argument just before they left. However, he can’t find his phone and needs to call an Uber. He must have dropped his phone somewhere along the side of the road or something, maybe when he got out of the car? He’s not about to walk all that way back and look for it, so he reluctantly goes inside to use the bar’s phone. Once his car is booked, he waits in the cool evening air for it to come and pick him up. 

Still furious with Dean, Castiel paced outside the front of the bar. He kept going over in his head how things could have been handled differently between them. First of all, Dean should have stopped flirting with everyone he interacted with while they were out on a date. That would have solved so much of the issue right there. Every time Dean flirted with someone else in front of him, it reminded him of how his ex, Arthur, would casually flirt with people like Castiel wasn’t there. How he’d been left feeling invisible and somehow like a reserve in comparison to the complete strangers that apparently merited Arthur’s attention. It shouldn’t have been such a massive shock when Castiel found out that Arthur had been cheating on him for months, but somehow it had been. It had knocked any remaining confidence right out of him and he hated how insecure he was now because of it. The thing is, Dean knew that. He knew Cas had been cheated on in his last relationship, so why couldn’t he see how much his flirtatious actions hurt him?

Looking up at the few stars that he could see in the night sky, Cas let out a deep sigh, fighting back the tears. He refuses to cry, he’s too mad to let the tears win. He didn’t want to lose Dean over this, he didn’t want to be the nag who tries to ‘change’ his partner… But he did want a partner that understood his limits. This flirty behavior bothered him, and to his mind, that should have been enough for Dean to at the very least, tone it down when they were out on a date. And the way Dean reacted to him calling him out on it? That was… unexpected to say the least. How could Dean have just driven off like that? Without a word. Without a warning. What the hell was he thinking? Did Castiel mean that little to him? Cas had only gotten out of the car to get some fresh air and try to calm down, it’s not like he had intended on leaving Dean. Dean didn’t even get out of the car to say anything. Cas was used to meeting Dean head-on when they argued. This time, Dean just … left. It was as if he had just given up on them completely and Christ did that thought hurt him. 

Castiel continued to pace a short distance back and forth in the parking lot in front of the bar as he waited on his car. He was deep in thought, trying to make sense of the evening, trying to figure out what exactly it meant that Dean had driven away. He barely noticed the people coming and going behind him. The music coming from the bar was just background noise to his chaotic thoughts. He reached the end of his small pacing track and turned almost slamming into a man who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

“Oh, excuse me,” Cas says apologetically. So shocked by their almost collision that it doesn’t occur to him that the man is standing way too close to him. 

“How ‘bout you give me your wallet instead?” said the stranger as he glanced around nervously.

“W-what?” Cas asked, genuinely confused by the request. Had he had his wits about him he probably would have clocked on to what was happening much more quickly. In fact, it’s slightly embarrassing how dense he was at this moment. He’s outside a bar, it’s very late and very dark, there is a man before him demanding his wallet and all Castiel is able to do is gawk at him like some kind of uncomprehending moron. 

The man’s face hardened and his eyes narrowed dangerously, he clearly thought that Castiel was being difficult deliberately. Looking pissed off, the man lifted a tire iron and without any warning what-so-ever slammed it against the side of Castiel’s head, growling out a rough sounding, “I said; Give me your wallet, asshole!”

Castiel’s vision whited out for a second and he stumbled. Falling to his knees on the rough pavement hurt but it was nothing to the searing pain in his head. A shrill ringing in his ears and a heavy pounding in his head became his entire world for all of ten seconds, right up until he felt a sudden pain in his side. The man had swung the tire iron again and hit him in the ribs. Gasping for breath, Cas doubled over, his hands falling to the ground in front of him, which was kinda lucky really as it stopped him from face planting the curb. He tried to reach up and beg the man to stop but before he could regain enough composure to even get a word out, there was one more strike to his head and everything went black.

********

First came the sound of a high pitched beeping. He knew it wasn’t his alarm, because he’d never pick such an annoying siren to wake him, he always used a tune that gently woke him. Maybe Dean had changed his alarm? Cas tried to open his eyes but the light was just too bright. His bedroom isn’t nearly this bright in the morning. Did Dean have the lights on? That’s unusual, Dean hardly ever wakes up before Cas. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out the glaring light, and quickly falls back to sleep.

The next time he stirred, Castiel heard the low murmuring of someone talking. Annoyingly, he couldn’t make out what they were saying. He tried to listen but whoever it was seemed to be talking to themselves in a hushed tone that was too low for him to hear properly. After a while though, the muttering stopped and all he could hear then was the obnoxious beeping, which faded away as he fell back to sleep.

Castiel knew he must have slept in but he had no idea how late it was. He lifted his arm to rub his eyes and felt a sharp pain in his ribs. Grunting, he used his other hand and was able to clear his eyes of sleep and open them. The room was bright and it hurt his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling. He squinted against the light, realizing for the first time that this was not his ceiling and it wasn’t Dean’s either. He frowned and turned his head slightly to look around, but instantly regretted it when the room seemed to bulge and sway as he changed positions. Closing his eyes again, he waited for the feeling of nausea to go away. After a few moments, when he is confident that the feeling of seasickness has gone, Cas opens his eyes again and sees the blurry figure of a person standing beside his bed.

“Dean?” his voice barely above a whisper.

“Oh, hun. You’re awake. No, I’m not Dean. I’m your nurse, Jessica. Do you know where you are?” The woman has a kind, gentle voice.

“No?” Cas rasps out. Later, Castiel would roll his eyes at himself for not putting together the bright lights, lingering smell of chemicals, beeping machines and the fact the woman had straight up told him she was a nurse to come up with ‘hospital’ but then he’d reason that he had just been attacked and suffered a head injury. 

“You’re at St. Vincent’s Hospital. You came in late the night before last. This is the first time you’ve woken up enough to even look around. Do you remember what happened to you?”

“I’ve been here a whole day already?” Cas closes his eyes and tries to think. His head is pounding and his side feels like there is a red hot poker stabbing into him. He assesses the rest of his body and nothing else seems to be injured. “No,” he answers weakly. 

“Well, an Uber driver called 911 and stayed with you until the ambulance arrived. He said he was there to pick up a Castiel. Are you Castiel? You didn’t have any ID on you. Your wallet was missing, we are assuming you were mugged.” 

_ ‘Mugged! I’ve been mugged, and badly enough that I have been in hospital and unconscious for a whole day!’  _ Castiel opens his eyes sharply and looks over at Jessica, “Yes, I’m Castiel Novak.”

“Oh good, we can take the ‘John Doe’ off your record now then.” she smiles warmly at him.

He doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. He figures it makes sense that no one is here with him then, if they didn’t know who he was they wouldn’t have been able to contact his family. He closes his eyes and lets the pain medication carry him back to sleep. 

********

“Good morning, Mr. Novak. Can you open your eyes for me? I’ve got the overhead lights turned off so it's not so bright in here.” Cas opens his eyes slowly, blinking at the light. He looks to his right and sees a man standing there in a white lab coat. When their eyes meet, the man smiles kindly at him, “There you are. I’m Doctor Davis, I’ve been overseeing your care while you’ve been here with us. May I?”

The doctor indicates that he wants to feel Castiel’s chest and Castiel, although he knows they must have already touched him plenty while he’d been out of it, appreciates the sentiment and nods. The doctor reaches across Castiel’s chest and gently touches his ribs. Cas hisses in pain. 

The doctor removes his hand from Castiel’s chest immediately and glances at him apologetically, “Yes, that’s the bad news I’m afraid, you’ve got two broken ribs, a concussion and we had to stitch up a laceration on the side of your head. I’d say you’re a lucky man, one more blow to the head could have done some much more serious damage, however, you were attacked and I don’t think ‘you’re lucky’ is what you want to hear right now, so just know that you’re going to be fine. You’ve been unconscious for nearly two full days and we plan to keep you here at least a couple more days to keep an eye on that concussion, but that’s just a precaution.”

Cas is stunned by what the doctor told him. He doesn’t remember being hit or mugged. He thinks back, the last thing he remembers is… fighting with Dean. The thought brings tears to his eyes. He could have died and his last interaction with Dean had been some stupid fight. Wanting to be left alone, he looks up at the doctor, and his voice trembles slightly as he says, “Thank you.” 

“Get some rest, Mr. Novak. I believe the police will want to question you about what happened soon but I managed to convince them to give you some time to rest before they start all that.” Doctor Davis reaches up and adjusts the call button so that it is in a more comfortably reachable position for Cas, “Just call if you need anything, the nurses on this floor are wonderful.” 

Cas lifts his right hand a little to wave to the doctor. He watches him leave the room and sighs, what the hell had happened that night he and Dean had argued? 

********

Three days later, and armed with some kickass pain medication, Castiel was declared well enough to go home. He had thought about calling Dean, several times, over those few days. Once his head had cleared enough that he was starting to remember what had happened to him. The thing was, aside from it feeling a little pathetic to be calling from the hospital when he was only in for observation, was that he was pretty pissed off with Dean. He didn’t exactly blame him for his attack but the fact that Dean had driven away was why he was there when it happened. He knew it wouldn’t be strictly fair to put that guilt trip on Dean, so while yes, he wanted to call Dean. He also wanted to wait until he was sure he wouldn't just go off on him about something he had no control over. 

No, he would wait until he was home and could get a new cell phone to call Dean from. He’d explain what happened and let Dean know he was fine. That way he wouldn’t look like he was asking for sympathy or placing any blame anywhere. Surely, Dean would understand why he hadn’t been in contact for nearly a week? It’s not like he chose to get mugged and knocked over the head. Maybe there was still some way to fix things between them. Having a ‘brush with death’ certainly, put things into perspective, and whilst he was still pissed at Dean and they had issues that they absolutely needed to work on - he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he didn’t want to lose Dean. 

He had to call an Uber to get home from the hospital. Luckily, he still had his keys and was able to get into his apartment. Once inside, the first thing he did was to take a long hot shower. The warmth soothed his muscles even though it still hurt his left side to move too much or too quickly. He washed his hair, careful of where the stitches were. It felt so nice to be clean and at home.

After getting dressed in some comfortable sweats and a soft t-shirt, he made some toast and scrambled eggs. He was hungry but didn’t feel like eating anything heavy. He made himself a nest of pillows on the couch and carefully situated himself with his food so that he was as comfortable as possible. He propped a pillow under his plate and watched TV while he ate. After he had finished eating, he placed the plate on the coffee table, took his pain meds, and lay down on the couch. Just as he was nearly falling asleep, the meds making him drowsy, there was a knock on his door...

He grumbled to himself about having to get back up, before sliding his legs off the couch and getting unsteadily to his feet,  _ ‘Damn those meds kick in fast’.  _


	4. Chapter 4

Dean sat on his couch, staring blankly ahead and tapping his fingertips against the end of the arm as he debated on whether or not to take Cas’s phone to him. He absently chewed at the inside of cheek, thinking. He now knew that the reason Cas hadn’t replied was that he didn’t have his phone. He hadn’t received Dean’s calls or messages, fine... But that didn’t explain why he hadn't tried to call him from his work phone? The fact was that Castiel must have known this whole time he didn’t have his phone, Dean hadn’t known it was in his car. He’d tried to call, he’d sent a number of texts, it was Cas who had not bothered with him, right? The anger that was living just beneath the surface for the past week peeked its ugly head up and Dean thought about just holding on to the stupid phone. 

He shook his head to himself, he knew that evening thinking about holding on to the phone out of spite was immature. Cas deserved to have his phone back. But what about the messages that Dean had sent? He wonders whether he should just delete the lot… If Cas really doesn’t care about Dean, as his week-long silence would seem to suggest then  _ he  _ certainly didn’t want to seem like the needy-pathetic one who’d been desperately trying to get hold of him and sort things out. 

What if they were truly over? Dean frowned and looked around the room, leaning forward where he sat as though ready to spring up into action. He swayed back and forth where he sat for a moment as his eyes traveled the room, taking in the many things there that belonged to Cas. Dean wondered if he should box up Cas’s clothes and things and take them over as well. As his mind bitterly supplied him with the recurring thought that Cas clearly doesn’t want him anymore. His hand tightened into a fist and tears blurred his vision. He stood up, shaking off his ‘weak moment’ and swiped Castiel’s phone off the side table as he made up his mind… he was done crying over Cas. 

He paused in the hallway, glancing at his reflection in the mirror. What if there was some reason Cas hadn’t been in touch? What if something had happened? Dean couldn’t come up with anything off the top of his head but that didn’t mean that wasn’t still a possibility and if there was some reason, and Cas did, in fact, still care - then wouldn’t he be glad to know that Dean had tried? If he deleted the messages on his phone… wouldn’t he be hurt? Thinking Dean hadn’t bothered to try and get hold of him this whole time? 

Reaching a decision, he grabbed his own phone, wallet, and keys. He left the messages on Cas’s phone and headed out to his car. He would return Castiel’s phone to him and, despite the lump that formed in his throat at the thought, he would ask Cas if they could talk or… if he wanted the rest of his things back. He figures, at least this way, he’d know where the hell he stood one way or the other, which is more than he knows now. 

He sat in his car for a few minutes before he started it up, still fearful of how this could all play out. He could accept that he’d been a bit of a dick - ok, maybe a lot of a dick. Leaving Cas by the side of the road - without his phone (even if he hadn’t known that at the time) was a dick move. BUT! Cas getting out of the car and walking away and then not getting in touch this whole time… To Dean, these were ‘dick moves’ too. His mind was reeling as he drove over to Cas’s apartment. Playing out a few worst case scenarios; what if Cas wouldn’t open the door? What if he was still angry at Dean for driving off? What if he wasn’t alone?

He parked in the visitor’s spot and swallowed as he noticed Cas’s truck was in its spot. He got out of his car and took a few steps toward the apartment building, then turned around and walked back to his car. He shook out the tingling feeling that had suddenly spread like wildfire throughout his body and leaned against his car for a few moments trying to re-summon his courage. Finally, he trudged up to the second floor, and slowly, like a man condemned, he made his way to Castiel’s door. He stood there for an undetermined amount of time, sending silent prayers up to the cloudy skies, before working up the courage to knock. 

Knowing that Cas was homemade Dean several kinds of nervous. All his doubts were whirring like a tornado in his mind. It seemed to take forever for Cas to answer the door. So long that Dean figured maybe he’d seen him and hadn’t wanted to answer. He was gearing up to just hand Cas his phone and walk away, his walls of defense rising higher and higher with each passing second. By the time he finally heard Castiel moving around behind the door and knew he was going to have to face him, Dean wasn’t sure he’d even be able to speak to him or meet his eyes. Cas opened the door slowly and just barely enough that he was able to look out and see who it was. 

“Um, I found your phone,” Dean said, as he held the item out towards Cas. 

Cas just looked at him for a moment. His eyes looked glassy and he appeared to be drunk. Or high, if he partook. Dean took in the stoned look and pale face and immediately switched from defensive mode to worried. 

“Cas?” He tried again.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas replied, his voice sounded morning rough like he had been sleeping. Cas stood back a little and opened the door slightly more, but he didn’t invite Dean in, instead he swayed a little on the spot before gingerly reaching out and taking the phone, “Thanks.”

“Cas, are you stoned?” Dean asked as he watched how sluggishly Cas was moving. Was Cas high? Was it because of him? Them? Had they broken up and Dean didn’t even really know it yet but Castiel was already… what? What was this? Was he partying to remember or partying to forget? Was he ‘partying’ alone? Dean’s thoughts raced and naturally supplied him with dozens of horrifying situations… 

“No. Well, sort of. It’s a long story and I’m not feeling up to talking about it right now.” Cas leaned heavily on the doorframe, letting out a heavy sigh, “I know we need to talk, but can it wait? Maybe tomorrow?”

Dean stared daggers at Cas. Fuck this. Fuck Cas being too drunk or drugged up to talk to him. He couldn’t believe it, he’d finally worked up the nerve to come and face Cas only to be told to go away and come back tomorrow. What the fuck?

“Oh sure, what’s one more day? I mean, it’s not like it's been a week already...” Dean bit out spitefully. Then thinking back to Castiel getting out of the car and walking away during their fight he couldn’t stop himself from adding angrily, “We can only ever talk when  _ you’re ready to,  _ right Cas?” 

“Dean, please. I really don’t feel very well. I’m about to fall asleep on my feet. Let this wait ‘til tomorrow.” 

“Fine,” Dean huffed, still pissed but not really wanting to continue their argument on Cas's doorstep, “Remember to charge your damn phone so you can call me tomorrow.” 

Dean turned and walked away from Cas’s door, rage burning through him at how  nonchalant Castiel had been about fixing their relationship. When he heard the soft click of the door closing behind him, the sound made him flinch and once again his eyes blurred with salty sadness. He knew he could be difficult sometimes, but why did it seem like Castiel suddenly didn’t care about him, about ‘them’ at all? He was tearing himself to pieces in his own mind and Cas… Well, Cas was getting high… He hurried back down the steps to the parking lot and by the time he made it down to his car, he was full-on crying. He sat in his car for a while and let the tears flow before taking a deep determined breath and wiping his face with his hand. He checked his reflection in the rearview mirror, noted he looked like shit, and scowled at himself before shaking his head and starting the engine. 

****

Once Dean was back home, he switched on the TV and got a beer. He figured since Castiel was clearly smashed, he wouldn’t have to feel guilty about a light buzz. He sat down on the couch and flipped channels for about an hour, and two more beers, before giving up and heading to bed. 

Another night alone. Getting into bed alone, finding the sheets cold and uninviting. Even Castiel’s smell which he would never admit to loving was gone. Instead of falling asleep wrapped in the man's arms or wrapped around him, he lay there. Wide awake and staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours, while his mind supplied him with all sorts of images of Castiel that made his heart hurt, then, between one blink and the next, he drifted off to sleep.

_ Dean knocked on the door… Somehow, it felt familiar but new at the same time. He was standing there… In the rain, because of course, it had to be raining, feeling stupid and hopeful when the door opened. There was Castiel, looking absolutely fucking stunning, in nothing but a towel, his hair was dripping, his skin was steam moist, as though he’d recently taken a hot shower. He was looking behind him as he opened the door and the brilliant smile on his face faded when he turned to face Dean. Causing Dean’s heart to sink.  _

_ “Yeah?” he said in a voice that sounded so off to Dean it made him frown, “What do you want?”  _

_ “I… er…” Dean flounders, at a loss for words. He kicks a stone gingerly with the tip of his shoe and looks down at the ground.  _

_ “Who is it, babe?” Dean’s eyes snap up at the stranger’s voice, coming from inside Castiel’s apartment.  _

_ “Who is that?” he demands before he can stop himself.  _

_ “Dean, we’ve been through this before, what I do now… is none of your business. Who I see now, is none of your business… Who I sleep with…”  _

_ “ALRIGHT!” says Dean loudly, just to stop Castiel from finishing that sentence, “Cas… I… Please?”  _

_ “Dean, we are over. Remember? You drove away from me in the middle of the night, you didn’t fight for us, you just left me there. Benny was good enough to give me a lift home, he is ten times the man you are… not to mention how amazing he is in bed and how fantastic his cooking is and how he’d totally beat you in an arm-wrestling match and how he can talk in four different languages fluently…”  _

_ Dean frowns at how ridiculous Castiel’s list becomes and suddenly feels himself falling through the ground as it opens up beneath him… He cries out for Castiel but Castiel just watches him fall away… with a horrible look of pity on his face. _

Dean jerks awake, his face caked in a cold sweat and his skin clammy and pale. His breathing is harsh and it takes him a few moments to even it out and realize… it was just a dream. 


	5. Chapter 5

Waking up still feeling groggy, Cas showers and makes a small breakfast of oatmeal. He looks at his phone charging on the counter and remembers that yes, Dean did stop by last night. It wasn’t a dream. Although, Cas was nearly asleep on his feet at the time, due to the pain medication he’d taken. He tries to remember what was said last night, hopefully, he didn’t make things worse in his near-unconscious state. 

He stares over at his phone while he eats, deciding he would have to bite the bullet and actually pick it up and call Dean soon. When he collects it from the side and switches it on, he notices that he has several missed messages and voicemails. Well, it had been a week since he checked his phone. He pulls up the messages and realizes with a pang that they are all from Dean. They start off angry but become increasingly worried as they proceed, which he could have guessed.

_ Dammit Cas answer your phone.  _ ****

_ I just want to make sure you got home. But I guess you’re too pissed to talk to me. _

_ I hope  _ you _ slept well last night. :( _

_ Why won't you answer your damn phone? Don’t be a jerk. _

_ Cas, please talk to me so we can work this out. _

_ I’m really worried about you, you’ve never given me the silent treatment like this before. Can you !please! just let me know your ok? _

_ Fine, I’ll stop bothering you. Call me when you’re over being so mad at me. _

Cas read through the texts over and over again. The one thing that he notices straight away is that Dean never apologized for driving off. He never even attempted to make some kind of excuse. Not that any would really suffice such a shitty action but still… If the first text from Dean had been a simple, ‘I’m sorry’ he feels like that would have gone a long way to them being able to ‘work things out’ as Dean put it… Unless Dean blames him somehow?

In listening to the voicemails that Dean left, again Dean seemed worried about Cas and angry about Cas not returning his calls but he never once said he was sorry. This pisses Cas off even more. Dean had left him on the side of the road in the middle of the night and couldn’t even admit he was wrong for it? What the hell? Dean had, and still has, no idea what Cas went through this past week. He had no idea that he’d been in the hospital after being mugged, ‘ _ because he left me’, _ standing outside the front of that bar. 

Cas clenched his jaw angrily, deciding right there he was going to call Dean. He was going to let him know just how he felt about everything and inform Dean that he was a total asshole that night. Despite how he felt about Dean, he wouldn’t let anyone treat him like that. If Dean wanted to act like a complete prick then clearly this relationship needed to end. It wasn’t a thought that filled Castiel with the feeling of empowerment though. He knows some people feel like that when they decide to leave relationships, and understandably. But it just made him feel sad and wonder where the hell had they gone wrong? They had been so good in the beginning, what had happened that had suddenly made Dean not care? 

Something sharp and ugly twisted to life in Castiel’s mind… What if Dean had someone new? What if that’s why he no longer cared? Had he returned his phone so that he wouldn’t go to Dean’s and ask if he’d seen it? Was Dean worried someone would see him there? Castiel shuddered at the thought and tried to remain calm, telling himself that he had no proof of Dean cheating at all… He knew he already nagged him too much about his flirting, he wouldn’t stoop to holding his ex’s other crimes against him too.

********

He tried to banish the thought from his mind, but still, it was with shaky hands that Cas dialed Dean’s number. What if Dean didn’t answer? What if he did? What if someone else answered Dean’s phone for him?

“Cas?” Dean answered. Relief flooded Castiel’s system that it wasn’t some random guy's voice answering Dean’s phone. “Cas, are you there?”

“Yes, Dean. I’m here.” Now that the relief bit was out of the way, Castiel realized he would still actually have to talk to Dean and he tried not to panic as he fished around in his mind for words.

“I’m glad you called.” Castiel glanced sideways at his phone as though expecting to see Dean there. He sounded tired but genuine. 

“Well, we need to talk.” Cas was glad his voice wasn’t as shaky as he felt.

“Yeah,” Dean said sadly, “Cas, I’m sorry for that night. I’m sorry, I drove away and left you behind. I was so upset…”

Dean had said sorry. It was practically the first thing out of his mouth… But why didn’t it feel right? Why didn’t it make Castiel feel better? Those texts and voicemails had fanned the angry flames inside him and he just wasn’t ready to forgive Dean (yet?). He wanted to but then again, he didn’t… It was a strange feeling being so torn about something. Yes, he cared about Dean and yes, Dean had finally said sorry. Unfortunately, it all felt a bit too ‘too little and too late’ for Castiel at the moment. He was just so angry, he wanted to yell at Dean. He wanted Dean to really understand how that had felt when he’d driven away. And what had happened after it.

“You were upset? Why?! Dean, I only got out of the car to try to calm down. You’d been pushing my buttons all evening and thought it was funny when I got upset about you flirting with everybody. You know how I feel about you flirting with people right in front of me.”

Dean was silent for long enough that Cas checked that the call was still ongoing.

“I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean finally said, in a small voice that almost had Castiel’s resolve crumbling. 

It would be the easiest thing in the world to just say ‘it’s ok’ and go over to Dean’s and act like nothing had ever happened and a very prominent part of him wanted to do that. He could just go to Deans, they’d probably order in and watch a movie and then they’d be lying together on the couch… but then Dean would start fiddling with Castiel’s hair like he does sometimes… 

_ And then he’d feel the stitches on my head and the bubble would break and he’d ask what happened…  _

And Cas would tell him, because it DID happen but the stupidest thing is… the memory of Dean driving away from him without even looking back… hurt ten times worse than the bump on his head. It hurt his heart. No, something bigger needed to happen here. Dean had to understand that he, Castiel, was not going to be anybody's doormat, ever again. 

“Well, I’m not so sure that’s enough this time.” Cas forced out, he needed to stand his ground. Dean needed to take him seriously.

“I don’t know what else to say, Cas. I’m truly sorry for how I acted on our date.” 

“Not sorry enough to come by and check on me? Dean, you have no idea what kind of a week I’ve had.”

“My week has sucked, too, Cas. I was worried you’d never speak to me again. Then I found your phone in my car, and I … I had a wreck on the way home, Cas.” Castiel’s heart swooped with momentary panic and guilt, “My car was in the shop for a few days and I had no idea your phone was in it.”

“Your car... You dented your precious car. I was fucking mugged, Dean.” Cas’s voice broke as he spoke, ”I was jumped and beaten and I’ve spent several days in the hospital because you left me on the side of the road and you think bumping your car entitles you to… what? Some kind of reprieve?”

“Wait, what? You were mugged? Cas…”

“No, no! You don’t get to have a pity party.” Cas ground out firmly, “Dean, I think we need some time apart. I need to heal and I’m not sure I can handle being around you right now.”

“Cas,” Dean gasped, muttering some threats under his breath, “I’ll kill them… do you know who it was? I don’t think it's a good time for you to be alone. Please let me be there for you?” 

“No, I don’t know who it was. I turned around and was hit in the head. And, yes, Dean, I do want to be alone. I don’t need you going vigilante after some crazy mugger. What you need to do is not abandon people on the side of the road late in the evening.” It hurt to say but Cas had put it out there. He really did believe that they needed some time to get through this.

“Okay, Cas. Whatever you need. I am sorry you got hurt because of me.” Dean said in a defeated tone. “Call me when you’re ready to talk again?”

“Goodbye, Dean.” It went against every instinct he had to be so cold when Dean sounded so beaten down but he wasn’t ready to back down yet. Not this time, not about this. 

“Bye, Cas.” 


	6. Chapter 6

Dean had thought it might be a few days or maybe a week before Cas called him again. He waited and let hope fill him every time his phone rang only to be disappointed when it wasn’t Cas and as time went on a dark pit of worry took root within him. Three weeks later and Cas still hadn’t called him. Dean had debated calling and texting him, he may have even dialed his number a couple of times but then hung up before it started ringing. Cas had asked for time and Dean wasn’t going to interrupt him by reaching out to him. He was sure Cas would call eventually, he had to, right?

In the meantime, Dean had been spending more time talking to his brother. Sam was doing well in college and Dean was really proud of him. Sam planned to come visit him over Spring break and despite everything else going on, Dean was excited to see him. It had been a while since they’d been able to hang out. He wouldn’t admit how happy he was that Sam decided to come home for his break instead of traveling off to some wild resort like so many college kids. Dean even took a couple of days off work so he could be around for Sam’s stay. Sam arrived on Saturday and they went out to a local bar to play pool and have a few beers to celebrate him being home.

“Dean this is great an’ all but what’s with the sudden ‘family bonding time theme’ you seem to have going on here?” Sam grinned as he finished his beer. 

“I could ask you the same question, jerk. You started it when you said you wanted to come here for Spring break!”

“I thought we could spend some time together, but I didn’t expect you to take vacation days off work for me though. You’re usually so busy when I come for a visit… I didn’t think we’d get this much time to hang out.”

“You getting sick of me already?” at Sam’s bitch face, Dean chuckled and continued, “Yeah alright, I just figured I owed my kid brother some quality time.”

“I’m not complaining, any chance to beat your ass at a game of pool is fine by me… but, well… Is everything ok?”

“What'd ya mean?” said Dean with a slight frown, “and like hell, you beat me! Best outta five!”

“I mean, I kinda thought you’d bring Cas along, are you two… alright?” Sam asked carefully.

“Oh. Didn’t I tell you? Cas wanted some time apart.” Dean tried to go for nonchalant but completely missed the mark.

“You guys broke up?” Sam asked, shocked.

Dean stared at him for a minute, hating the look of pity and concern on his face. He thought back to his last conversation with Cas, did they break up? Cas hadn’t actually said that… just that he needed some time. Dean didn’t want them to break up but he hadn’t expected Cas to need this much time, should he have called him? Should he have gone round? Had Cas moved on?

“I - I dunno, Sam. He just said he needed some time.” Dean tried to break the pool balls and made a complete shambles out of the shot. 

“Wow. What did you do?” Sam asked, frowning at the crappy shot his brother had made.

“What do you mean -  _ What did I do _ ?”

“I just figured that if Cas needed time away from you, then you must have done something to cause it.” Sam took his shot and sunk the striped ball he was aiming at, while Dean rolled his eyes behind his back.

“We had an argument and things… things went all wrong.” Dean leaned against his pool cue and pouted. 

“Jesus, Dean. You guys seemed to have your shit together. I’m just trying to imagine what you could have done that would have led to Cas wanting to be away from you like this.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence, Sam.” Dean shot him a dirty look. “Can we change the subject?”

“Sure, eight ball, corner pocket,” Sam said, sounding far too smug. It wasn’t often that he beat his big brother in a game of pool. 

********

Monday evening Dean and Sam decided to go have something besides diner food for dinner. Dean didn’t feel like cooking and Sam wanted something other than greasy burgers. So they wound up at Chili’s. It wasn’t fancy so they didn’t feel weird, it was just nicer than fast food for a change. 

As they waited for their table, Dean looked around the restaurant. The waiting area was right in front of the bar and Dean instantly recognized a certain mop of dark hair sitting at one of the high top tables in the bar area. His heart leaped into his throat as he realized, Cas was here. Of all places, Cas had to be at the same restaurant as he and Sam. 

“Let’s go, Sam.” He tried to quietly get Sam to leave. Hoping to get out before Sam spotted Cas or Cas spotted them.

“What? Why?” Sam frowned at him, “We’re next for a table.” 

“Let’s just go somewhere else. Please?”

Clearly not understanding and getting slightly annoyed at him, Sam hisses, “No Dean, the hostess is coming. Let’s just get our table, we’ll get food soon. I’m starving!”

Dean sagged, looking defeated, and then Sam finally noticed Dean staring at the bar area. He looked to see what he was looking at and...  _ Oh. There’s Cas… with some random guy.  _ Sam opened his mouth, about to agree that they could go somewhere else, but as he turned, Dean stormed right past him and the hostess and straight up to Cas’s table.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and anger.

Cas looked surprised, “Dean. What…?” He looked around and spotted Sam. “What are you guys doing here?” 

“Well, this is a restaurant, so we thought we’d be crazy and come here for dinner. Are you going to introduce me to your…” Dean’s eyes narrowed as they fell upon the man sitting with Cas.

“Friend.” Cas cut Dean off quickly sensing danger in his tone, “Benny is a  _ friend  _ from work. I have told you about him before.” 

“Oh. Well, hello ‘friend’ Benny. I’m Dean, Cas’s....”

“Dean, don’t be an ass,” Cas whispered, cutting him off before he made things worse.

“Nice to meet you, Dean. Cas and I were just finishing up here. I hope you and  _ your _ …  _ friend  _ there have a nice dinner.” Benny looked between Dean and Sam pointedly.

“That’s my brother.” Dean snarled defensively, “It’s not like I’m on a date or anything.” His eyes found Castiel’s again as he spoke. 

“I’m not… we’re not…” Cas stammered.

“Come on, Castiel. I think it’s time I drove you home.” Benny said, as he stood from the table and placed his hand on Cas’s elbow. 

Dean stared at Benny’s hand on Cas and his blood boiled. So, this is what he’d been waiting for three weeks for? To stumble across his… Cas, out with another man. After all the grief he’d given Dean about flirting with waitresses. 

“Dean,” Sam said firmly, it was clear this wasn’t the first time he’d called his name. Dean glanced back to look at his brother, who shook his head at him and spoke just as firmly as before to say, “Our table is ready. Now.”

Unable to move, Dean watched as Cas and Benny left the restaurant. He kept his eyes on them until the door shut behind them. Sam tugged on his arm and he finally followed him to their table feeling slightly sick and very pissed off. 

“Friend my ass,” Dean grumbled as he sat across from Sam. “Did you see the way that guy was looking at Cas? Did you see him touch him?”

“Chill, Dean.” Sam said, giving him the stink eye.”You guys split up. You don’t have any say in who Cas has dinner with. And if Cas said he was a friend, then maybe he’s just that… a friend.”

Dean just glared at the menu.  _ Are we split up? When I tried to say I was his boyfriend… he told me not to be an ass. I swear if he calls and tells me he slept with that douche but that it’s not cheating because ‘we were on a break’ I’mma lose it.  _ Dean sobers at the thought of Castiel with anyone else.  _ We can’t really be over, can we? _


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel walks out of the restaurant feeling unnerved. He slid into the passenger seat of Benny’s truck and was silent for the entire drive back to his apartment building. He knew that Benny had glanced over to him several times, but he didn’t feel like talking yet, he was thinking about what had just happened. Had Dean really thought that he was out on a date with Benny? Did Dean think he was that callous? That he’d actually go out on a date with someone else while they were still together.

“I think we made Dean a little jealous.” Benny chuckled, trying to raise Castiel’s mood, ”Maybe, he’ll think twice about taking you for granted.” 

“Benny…” Castiel hesitated.

“I know, it’s petty. But from what you’ve told me about the guy, I think a little payback is just the thing.” 

Castiel sighed feeling frustrated, “No, it’s not… I don’t want to knowingly hurt him. I appreciate you having dinner with me and it was good to be able to talk about this with someone. But I don’t hate him or anything, please understand I’m just moaning about the bad stuff. I’m just angry about what he did that night. But there was a lot of good stuff too, I wouldn’t be this upset about it if I didn’t care.”

“Yeah, I get that, Castiel. But don’t you think he needs a wake-up call? You’re a great guy! Hell, if I was gay I’d want to date you in a heartbeat. I think Dean needed his world shaken up a bit.”

Castiel frowned,  _ why is it okay for me to think that Dean’s an ass or even rant about him, but when someone else says pretty much the same thing it feels - wrong? I don’t want other people talking about him like that. In fact, it kinda makes me feel worse, I want to defend him but I’ve done and said worse things to and about Dean recently? Was I completely overreacting here? No, not completely, but maybe enough that I owe Dean an apology of his own now… shit!  _

“I’m pretty sure that me not talking to him for almost a month has shaken him up enough.” Cas sighed, feeling guilty as hell, as he looked out the passenger window. “I’ve been punishing him like he is a child... I should have just talked to him. I definitely shouldn’t have ignored him this long, I miss him.”

“Weren’t you the one that broke up with him?” Benny pressed, looking intently at Castiel as though he could see his mind working.

“I didn’t actually break up with him, I just said we needed some time apart. That’s not the same.” Cas looked over at Benny, “is it?” 

“I don’t know how he sees it. But... you haven’t been around him in three weeks. You haven’t talked to him either,” Benny gives Cas a sad look, “from the outside, it does kinda look like you guys are done, Cas.”

“No, that’s not…”

“Okay listen, I’ve just been playing devil’s advocate here… from your reactions to our conversation, anyone would be able to tell that you want things with Dean to work. So… I only have one question for you...”

“What?” askes Castiel weakly.

Benny raises his eyebrow, “What the hell are you doing still sitting here talking to me?”

Cas looks at Benny’s in shock. He had really just answered his own unasked question of ‘what should I do?’. Benny had been able to tell that he really does miss Dean, that he wants to fix things with him. He has a sudden urge to call Dean, he hadn’t meant for them to completely go their separate ways. He had just wanted some time to think, but he doesn’t want Dean thinking he is interested in someone else or moving on. A phone call feels wrong though, he checks his watch and figures that Dean and Sam would probably still be at Chili’s and that if he drove straight back there, he could speak to Dean in person, and maybe they could sort this whole mess out. He looks up to find Benny smiling at him knowingly.

“Go get him then,” he says before he leaves Cas at his apartment. Waving goodbye as he drives away and calling from his open window, “See you at work, Cas. Good luck!”

Castiel went inside and stood there just inside the door for a moment, debating what he should do. He thought about Benny’s words and made the decision that, yes, he should head back to the restaurant and try to catch Dean. Before he even turns on the lights, he’s back out the door heading to his own truck. Benny was a good friend and Cas was glad to have his support. He was shocked to see Dean tonight. That had been a surprise and the way Dean reacted to seeing him there with Benny. Dean really thought they were on a date. Cas knew he had to make it right, he needed to fix this.

Arriving at Chili’s he scans the parking lot for Dean’s car but doesn’t see it, it’s dark so he could just be missing it. He finds a parking space and heads inside. Unsure where they were sitting he starts at one side and scans the entire place. To his dismay, they are not there. They must have already finished and left. He looks back around the restaurant on his way out and still doesn’t see Dean or Sam. 

He slowly makes his way back out to his truck and slumps into the driver’s seat. Cas thinks about calling Dean. But his pride (or is it fear now?) gets the better of him and he decides to wait to talk to Dean in person.

********

Cas lay in bed and his mind was whirring with thoughts. He remembered that time that Dean surprised him with a picnic basket and a full picnic lunch in the park. Dean had been so sweet, making his favorite peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and even attempting homemade lemonade, although they had both agreed the sandwiches were his strong point. Cas had been sick the week before and Dean had taken care of him, making soup and keeping him company despite him being gross and half asleep the whole time.

He turned over and tried to go to sleep but the memories kept assaulting him. Like that time they had fought over money and who paid for what, and how they didn’t speak for a day. Cas earns more than Dean, and Dean wasn’t taking it so well when Cas kept trying to pay for their dates. Eventually, Dean had come over and they talked things through. Dean had said that he didn’t want to be some ‘trophy boyfriend’ hanging off Castiel’s arm, they could take turns paying for dates, besides whoever initiated the date could pay. After a long discussion, money was no longer an issue with them. The makeup sex after that fight had been amazing and almost has Castiel blushing just thinking about it. 

It overwhelmed Cas when he thought about how they had sat down and talked about the issue of money and were able to discuss it like adults and work out the problem. But then this time, they seemed to both have behaved like children and the problem just got bigger and worse, by now he was well aware that he himself was just as much to blame for how things currently stood, as Dean was. 

After tossing and turning all night, Cas looks at the clock beside his bed. It’s only 4:45 AM but he decides he’d rather get up now than lay there and continue to suffer through his and Dean’s catalog of greatest hits. He wanted more of those dates, more of those moments with Dean, and the thought that he may have contributed to possibly irreparable damage to their relationship haunted him. 

He gets dressed in his running clothes and heads out for an early morning run. The pounding of his feet against the sidewalk is a comfortable sound and feeling. His mind clears as he breathes through the thud of his footfalls. He doesn’t think about Dean or their ‘break up’, he just focuses on his next step. Taking his usual route Cas runs for a three-mile round trip and it feels good. He jumps in the shower when he gets back home, cleaning off the sweat and road dust. Once he’s dried off, he gets dressed and fixes himself some breakfast. 

He watches the morning news and waits for time to go to work. Grabbing his wallet, keys, and phone he heads out the door. He will make things right with Dean today and that’s the determined thought he leaves his house with. His one goal, fix things with Dean. When lunchtime comes around, Cas can’t wait any longer and he pulls out his phone and calls Dean.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean couldn’t sleep so he ended up laying on his couch all night watching infomercials and dozing. His alarm went off and he groaned as he rolled off the couch and stumbled to the shower. He washed himself mechanically and dried off without any care, he found the first thing in his closet and got dressed for work. Shuffling to the kitchen he grabbed the last poptart. 

Sam was already in the kitchen and looking at Dean like he was a kicked puppy. Dean couldn’t stand that look and just grunted when Sam said good morning. There was coffee in the pot but Dean didn’t feel like sticking around and having to talk to Sam this morning so he figured he’d drive through McDonald’s and get a coffee, instead. Anything to avoid talking about last night and Cas. They hadn’t hung around at Chilli’s after Cas and his  _ friend from work  _ had left, Sam had agreed they could order a take out meal and they left as soon as it was ready.

He thought about texting Cas, but he thought about that every morning. It never happened anymore. He was waiting for Cas to contact him, that was the deal - wasn’t it? Well, it had been the deal before Dean found out Cas was out with another man. He still couldn’t believe that Cas was so over him that he actually went out on a date. Sam’s words rang through his mind, ‘maybe he is just a friend’, maybe he was, but it had looked like a date and Cas wasn’t exactly rushing to introduce him to his ‘friend’. Not to mention when Dean tried to say who he was Cas told him he was being an ass… 

Sitting in his car, before he even started the engine, his eyes blurred with tears. How had things fallen apart like this, a few weeks ago he was in a happy, loving relationship… now he had no idea if Cas even wanted to see him again. He huffed out a strangled sound and wiped his eyes. He was not going to continue to cry over Cas, he had to get to work. 

The morning moved slowly and by lunch Dean was well and truly ready for his break. His phone rang as he was walking across the street to McDonald’s. Without checking the caller ID, he answered as he jogged across the lane and onto the sidewalk. 

“Hello?”

“Hello. Dean,” 

“Cas?” Dean caught his breath and stopped walking. 

‘Yes, it’s me. Dean. Do you have time to talk? I know it should be your lunch break.”

“Um, yeah, I guess. I was just walking over to Micky D’s.”

“Would you rather I call you later this evening instead?” Cas asked, sounding worried.

“No. No, now’s fine.” Dean didn’t want Cas to think he didn’t want to talk to him. “I mean, I don’t have that long but we can talk.”

“Yeah, I’m on my lunch break, too.” Dean thought Cas sounded relieved. 

“It’s…er. It’s good to hear from you, Cas.” Dean wanted to kick himself for that, he sounded so weak. 

“I wanted you to know that last night wasn’t a date. Benny is straight. He really is just a friend. I’ve been… well, a little out of sorts recently and Benny was just trying to cheer me up.” 

“So… you’re going out to dinner with straight guys now?” Ugh, that so didn’t come out like it sounded in Dean’s head.

“No. Dean, it’s not like that at all. I…” Cas sounded annoyed.

“I’m sorry, that came out all wrong, Cas.” Dean cut in. “Seeing you last night … it was just … I just…”

“Benny has been my friend since I started working here, and over the past couple of weeks, since all this happened between us… Well, Benny has been there for me to talk to. I don’t have to worry about him wanting anything from me, just my friendship.”

Dean tried not to think of Benny being there for Cas when it should have been him. 

“And you’re sure he’s straight?” Dean asks, his voice small and uncertain. Like he wasn’t sure he was really allowed to ask that.

“I assure you, Dean. He has a fiance and she is a wonderful woman.”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean agreed. “Cas, would… um, would you be willing to meet with me? I know we have a lot to talk about and it's so hard to do this over the phone.”

There is a pause, but Dean can hear Cas breathing. 

“Yes, I was actually about to ask you the same thing. But I’d like to meet somewhere public, not at either of our apartments, if that’s alright?” Cas knows that if they meet at an apartment and things start going well, that they would just end up in bed together, before they had properly sorted their issues out. He wanted them to have a serious talk and not give in to their temptations. Cas knows all too well his resolve is somewhat weaker when it comes to Dean. 

“Sure. I’ve got a couple of days off this week while Sam is here. So, I’m free anytime starting Thursday.” Dean says hopefully. 

“Well, I still have to work, so maybe Thursday evening after work we can meet? How about Harvelle’s? You really like the burgers there.” Cas suggests.

“Yeah, yeah I do. Harvelle’s sounds great, Cas. I’ll see you there at seven?” Dean smiles that Cas picked somewhere he knew Dean liked. 

“Okay, seven will give me time to get home and get changed. I’ll see you then.”

“Cas…” Dean stops him from hanging up. He wishes he could just ask if this was a ‘good’ meetup or a ‘I’ll bring the stuff you left at mine’ type meetup, but he is also a little scared of the answer, so he doesn’t. 

“Yes, Dean?”

“Thanks, for calling.” 

“You’re welcome, Dean. See you on Thursday.”

“Bye, Cas.”

Dean continued his walk to McDonald’s because even though his stomach was full of butterflies, he knew that if he didn’t eat lunch, he’d regret it later. He gets his lunch to go and takes it back to his office. He tries not to read into what it means that Cas picked Harvelle's. Was it because he liked the place and Cas was trying to be nice? Or was it because Cas knew that Dean had friends there… Ellen and Jo and that he’d have people around him for if Cas ended things between them for good? Or was it something as simple as it was somewhere easy to get to that they both knew?

After lunch the day goes a little better, he still has those pesky butterflies flapping around inside him as though they are at a rave but he does have Sam home for the week and he’s going to meet with Cas on Thursday. That’s just two days away, so he knows he can do this, he can be patient, hell he’d waited weeks, what was another few days? Even just talking to Cas had perked him up a bit, Cas hadn’t sounded bitter or upset. Dean tried to be careful not to put too much hope into how hopeful Cas had sounded. He is still very nervous about how it’s going to go when he and Cas get together, but at least they’re talking again. 


	9. Chapter 9

Thursday morning rolls around and Dean wakes up to his alarm, even though he doesn’t have to go to work. He’d promised that he would spend the day doing whatever Sam wanted to do. He strolls into the kitchen to make some coffee, to find Sam already in there with the coffee made. How could he forget that Sam’s a morning person? 

“Mornin’,” Dean greets Sam with a sleep rough voice.

“Good mornin’, Dean. I made coffee. I thought you’d need a cup before we go for a run.”

Dean half pours a cup but stops to turn and look at Sam, “Before we what?”

“You said we’d do whatever I wanted today. Well, I want to start the day with a run. I usually go alone but I’d love your company this morning.” Sam smiled in a way that told Dean, he knew exactly how much of an ass Dean thought he was in that moment.

Dean finishes pouring his coffee before setting the pot down and glaring at his brother. “A run, seriously? You can’t just run on your own and then do shit with me?” Sam hits Dean with one of his epic bitch faces and Dean rolls his eyes and huffs out an irritated sounding, “Fine! Let me get dressed.” He goes to his room to put on a pair of light sweatpants, a t-shirt, and the only pair of running shoes he owns. It wasn’t often but he did run some days with Cas - Cas’s tight shorts being a great persuasion to exercise. Meeting Sam back in the living room, he felt ready to go. 

Sam is in better shape but Dean doesn’t let that dissuade him, and he certainly doesn’t admit it out loud either. He matches Sam’s pace ( _ I should get a damn medal for keeping up with this moose, frigging legs are longer than me! _ ) and keeps up with him throughout the run. He’s almost positive that Sam is taking it easy on him but he’s not about to say anything. Surprisingly, it does feel good to be out in the morning sunshine with his brother, the sound of their feet pounding against the pavement is soothing. It clears his mind and for the first time in weeks, he focuses on something other than his imploding relationship. He enjoys being able to share some time with Sam, even if they could be at the diner with stacks of bacon instead of getting smelly from sweat. It was Sam’s call. 

After about a two-mile run, they take turns showering and get ready for the day ahead. Sam had mentioned that he wanted to do some shopping. He wanted to find a nice gift for his sort-of-girlfriend back at school. Dean had been so focused on his own issues with Cas that he hadn’t really listened to Sam talk about this girl that he likes. So today, Dean intended to fix that and pay attention to his brother. Besides, that would help him not think about his impending dinner plans with Cas. 

Sam and Dean head out to the mall once they are both dressed and sweat-free. Dean rarely goes to the mall, but he knew it would give Sam plenty of places to look around without driving all over town. Sam is happy to be there, excited like a lovesick teenager to be shopping for his wanna-be-girlfriend. They walk around for a couple of hours looking in all types of stores. Dean waits outside with his arms folded over his chest as Sam goes into Victoria’s Secret. Yeah, he’s not about to go into that particular store with his brother.

Dean oogles the panties on the mannequin in the window for a while, wondering how A, they might feel if he were to try them on and second, what Cas would say if he saw him wearing them. Providing, of course, that they got their shit together that evening. He looked past the model and saw Sam heading towards the exit with a smile on his face. Dean quickly cleared his throat and looked away from the tempting satin panties. 

“Took you long enough,” Dean grumps when Sam finally comes out of the store.

“I bumped into a friend while I was in there.” Sam huffed, rolling his eyes at Dean.

“Sure, that code for you had to hide out with an inappropriate boner in the changing rooms? Or are you actually a try before you buy, guy?” laughed Dean. Classically projecting his embarrassment at almost being caught window shopping panties on to his brother.

“Don’t be crabby with me just because I’ve gotten laid way more recently than you. What’s it been now, a month?” snarked Sam, shutting Dean up instantly. 

“Thought Jess hadn’t sealed the deal?” asked Dean after a moment.

“We’re, er… dating? But I don’t know how official it is yet?” muttered Sam turning red.

“And you were trying to give me relationship advice? Wait, you’re buying shit for her and you don’t even know if she’s screwing other guys?” 

Sam glared at Dean, “She’s not like that Dean. You don’t know her. And I’m buying her a gift… because I like her and want to do nice things for her.”

Dean momentarily thought about buying Castiel something to take with him that evening but decided that ‘gifts’ shouldn’t be in any way a deciding factor on their relationship.

“Sorry Sam, you’re right I don’t know her. But I know you and I trust your judgment. All joking and bullshit aside I just ask that you be careful until you are sure it’s exclusive, ‘kay?”

“Okay Dean,” said Sam, nodding.

Finally, they go to the food court  _ (Yay Food! _ ) to get some lunch, and Dean’s mood picks up again. The tension clearing from the air as the food clears from their plates. Dean doesn’t like fighting with Sam and he is glad that they seemed okay again after their almost argument. 

After lunch, Sam decides that he has what he needs and they head back to Dean’s apartment. Dean was a little surprised by his brother's abrupt desire to leave the mall, but as he figured it gave him more time at home to get ready for meeting up with Castiel later he didn’t complain. When they get in, Sam puts his purchases in his room with his luggage and goes back out to the living room.

“Thanks for going to the mall with me today, Dean.” He says sincerely.

“No problem. I haven’t been there in a while, things have changed. Last time I was there was before Christmas last year.” Dean’s thoughts wander back to shopping with Cas but he quickly derails that train. “Wanna play some video games?”

“Sure! I’ll kick your butt at Mario Kart.” Sam laughs as he heads to the shelves to get the game. Dean is busy getting the controllers out from under the TV stand. 

“Yeah, you wish.” Dean counters. 

They spend the next few hours laughing and winding each other up. Trying to make the other lose by poking them or shoving them, or by grabbing at each other’s controller. They’ve never played fair when they play video games together. Dean remembers how it used to drive Cas crazy. 

“So, what’s the plan for dinner?” Sam asks, during a break in the game.

“Oh. Did I forget to tell you? I’m, um, meeting Cas tonight.” Dean says quietly, looking down at his controller.

“No, uh, you told me. I was just checking to make sure it was still happening, Harvelle’s, right? And it’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Sam inquires hopefully.

Dean takes a breath and looks up at his brother, “Yeah, yeah I think it is. We are going to talk about things. I’m not sure where he stands, but I’m hoping that we can get a few things straightened out between us.” 

“Yeah, like what the hell was he doing with that guy the other night?” Sam frowns as he sits next to Dean on the couch.

Dean’s eyes fly open wide and his mouth opens and closes a couple of times before he is able to say anything. Sam had been the one to tell him to chill about that, he’d said Cas was probably telling the truth. Now he was backtracking? Why? No, Cas could be stubborn about things at times, but he wasn’t a liar. Dean had to believe that if Cas said that Benny was a friend, that that was what he was. Otherwise, he’d go crazy.

“Cas said that that guy is a friend from work. A straight friend. And I… I believe him.” Dean takes a deep breath and holds it before letting it go. “I have to believe him.” 

“Dean…”

“No, Sam. I don’t believe that Cas would cheat on me, even if we were on some sort of a ‘break’. His last boyfriend cheated on him and he would never do that… he’d never hurt me like that, he’d never hurt anyone like that. His ex was the biggest flirt and would straight up embarrass him when they were out on a date.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth Dean realized what he was saying. Cas’s cheater of an ex was a big flirt. Their big fight was over Dean being a flirt. Dean was treating Cas with as much disrespect as his last boyfriend had, he’d treated him no better than the ex who’d broken his heart. Dean dropped his head into his hands, cursing himself before taking a deep, calming breath. “Oh my god, Sam.” 

“What?” Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, trying to get him to look at him. “Dean, What is it?”

“I’ve been a total ass, like I knew I’d been a bit of an ass, but it just hit me how much of an…”

“Ass?” offered Sam frankly. 

“Shut up, but yes. I have actually been... I have to do something. I need to make this up to Cas. Sam, I flirted with people right in front of him.”

“Dean you’ve always been a flirt, this is not new information. It’s a part of who you are.” Sam laughed.

“No, you don’t understand.” Dean stood up and started pacing, “I shouldn’t have acted like that with him. He told me right from the start how his ex treated him, he told me and I what… disregarded his feelings or some shit? Like a complete prick. I have to make it right somehow. I... I love him. I can’t lose him.” 

“You… love him?” Sam asked, with wide eyes as he stared at Dean. “Have you told him that?”

Dean stopped and glared at his brother. “No. I haven’t told him! I’ve never said that to anyone outside of family! You know that! I can’t tell him now anyway. He might think I’m just playing with his emotions to try to win him back.” Dean started pacing again. “What the hell am I going to do, Sam?”

“Geez, I don’t know Dean, just an idea but why don’t you try telling him the truth?! All of it, that you messed up, that you realize now how badly and… that you’re in love with him.”

Dean stares at his brother for a few moments as though he has gone insane, before shaking his head and turning away from him, mumbling lowly, “Oh Christ… I think I’m going to throw up.” 


	10. Chapter 10

Half of his closet was laid out on his bed. Why was he so nervous? He never had this much trouble finding something to wear when he was going out with Dean before. _Perhaps,_ Castiel thought, _my nerves have nothing to do with choosing an outfit and everything to do with knowing that I’ve lost the moral high ground. I was pissed off with Dean, and for good reason, but now Dean has every right to be pissed off with me too. It hadn’t felt like such a ‘relationship problem’ when only one of us was really at fault. Then I had to go and complicate shit by behaving like an asshole too. Apparently, we both have shit to work on._ Castiel sighed and looked back over the clothes he’d disregarded and chose black jeans and a dark blue button-down. There, he’d made a decision. Now, he just had to clean up this mess. 

He kept thinking about the evening ahead, would he and Dean be alright? And why the hell had he chosen Harvelle’s? He knows that Dean loves how the waitresses wear short-shorts and low-cut, tight shirts. God, he’s an idiot, Dean will probably end up ogling that pretty blond waitress again. No, come on Castiel, you have to have more faith in him than that, besides it’s too late to change the location now. This could be a good way to see if Dean is serious about their relationship. That’s one of the biggest complaints Cas has always had about their time together, that Dean treated him like a second thought when they were out in public. When they were alone together, there was no problem whatsoever - Dean was completely focused on Cas. In other words, the sex was to die for. Cas pushed out the sudden and sickening thought that Dean only ‘cared’ about him, for the sex, that just wasn’t who Dean was.

Cas checked the time again and he had thirty minutes before he had to leave, great. He finished putting away the clothes he’d pulled out and went to the kitchen to give it a good wipe down. Surely, that would waste some time and use up some of his pent up energy. Finally, it was time to go. He grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone and headed out to his truck. 

It was good that they were driving separately and meeting somewhere safe and comfortable for both of them. Yes, much better than meeting at either of their apartment’s, where things would most likely end with them having sex and not discussing the important things. Not that he didn’t want to have sex with Dean again, and soon, but they really needed to talk things through without the possibility of turning away from their issues in favour of their desires.

Cas couldn't help playing through a list of ‘What if’s’ on the drive over. What if Dean didn’t show up? What if he flirted with the staff? What if things went horribly wrong and they broke up for good? What if he never got to kiss Dean’s lips again, or stare into his beautiful green eyes, or hold his hand feeling that grounded closeness that made him feel special and safe…? What if he never got to tell Dean how much he meant to him? What if this was the last time they would see each other? 

He scanned the parking lot when he arrived and didn't see Dean’s car. So, he beat him here, that’s all, doesn’t mean anything. Just as he was walking inside, he heard, with no small amount of relief, the low rumble that could only be Dean’s Impala, that car was unmistakable. He went on in and got them a booth in the back corner, not allowing himself to wait at the door to greet Dean.

He watched as Dean came in through the doors. Watched as he scanned the room and spoke to the hostess. She pointed him towards Cas and Cas noticed when Dean’s eyes found him. There was a smile that quickly came and went across Dean’s face. Dean walked up to the table (looking a little nervous in Castiel’s opinion) and greeted Cas.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean looked like he wanted to lean down and kiss him, but he fought the urge and sat across from him instead. 

“Hello, Dean. Thank you for coming.” _‘Thank you for coming? This isn’t a job interview, this is Dean! Get it together!’_

“Yeah, of course. I’ve really missed you, Cas.” Dean was having trouble looking at Cas. Dean wasn’t usually shy or quiet, this was an odd look on him.

‘ _I’ve missed you too!’_ screamed itself in Castiel’s head but what came out was, “Dean, I think…”

“Cas, I’m so…”

They spoke in unison and both chuckled lowly. Just then the waitress came to take their drink order. 

“I’ll have iced tea, please,” said Dean as he picked up his menu. It’s not like he didn’t already know what he would choose, but he seemed to need something to do with his hands.

“I think I’ll have the iced tea as well,” Cas said, as he looked across the table at Dean with a small, fond smile.

“Do you know what you want to eat or do you need a moment?” The waitress asked as she smiled at them both. She leaned in a little closer to Cas almost pushing her chest out towards his eyeline. Cas stares at her for a brief moment, his cheeks tinge pink at her attention. Dean looks between Cas and the waitress, noticing the obvious flirting on her behalf and watching Cas’s reaction. 

They both ordered burgers, Dean ordered onion rings and Cas ordered steak fries. They thanked the waitress and she turned to leave but not before giving Cas a wink. 

Dean had barely looked at her but made sure to clear his throat pointedly. He was having a hard time looking at Cas, having now seen the ‘flirting’ thing from the other side first-hand. Even if Castiel hadn’t flirted back it made Dean’s jaw clench how the waitress had basically undressed him with her eyes. Dean can’t imagine how he would have reacted if Cas had winked back at her like he himself had thoughtlessly done on several occasions. 

Dean shook his head at his past self’s mistakes and finally looked up into Cas’s eyes and spoke, “What were you going to say before the waitress came over?” 

“Oh, I was just going to say that I think it’s good that we’re here together. We have a lot to talk about. So much has happened between us lately it’s hard to know where to start. What… what were you going to say?”

Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly, obviously trying to steady himself. He knew exactly where he wanted, no needed to start. 

“Cas.” Dean reached across the table and took Cas’s hand in his own. Watching the man's reaction for any signs that it was unwelcomed contact. He relaxed when Castiel’s gaze just softened at him though and began gently rubbing his thumb across Cas’s knuckles. “Cas, I know where to start. I want to apologize. There’s so much I need to apologize for, I have done some stupid shit in my time but… driving away from you that night takes the prize.” 

Cas laces their fingers together, in hopes of strengthening Dean’s resolve.

“So, yeah… I think I need to start with the fact that I left you on the side of the damn road. Cas, I’m truly sorry for that. I should have never driven off and left you, no matter what, it was wrong of me. And that you got hurt because of it makes it even worse.” Dean’s voice quivers and Cas can see tears welling up in his eyes. Dean looks up to the ceiling and blinks them away. “I’ll never forgive myself for abandoning you that night, Cas. And if you allow me back into your life, I swear it will never happen again. I’ll never leave you like that, for any reason. If I could go back in time, I would never have driven off and left you alone.”

Cas stays quiet, but on the inside, his whole being sags with relief. Between those texts and the voicemails where Dean hadn’t really apologized at all, and the heated exchange at Castiel’s door when Dean had brought his phone back to him, he had been concerned that Dean didn’t actually understand how messed up him driving away had been. But clearly, he did and Castiel completely believed that Dean’s apology was heartfelt and genuine. He suddenly held much higher hopes for them to get back on the right track.

Dean wipes his hand down his face and continues.

“The next thing is… I was talking to Sam today and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just suddenly understood why you don’t like me flirting. I know what you had to put up with before, with your ex but I didn’t think about how it might affect you now. I was a damn fool not to work it out sooner. I’m sorry, Cas. I was an ass. I was letting you think that I didn’t care about you when that couldn’t be further from the truth. I really do, I care about you so damn much.”

Cas swallowed stiffly, willing his watery eyes not to flood tears down his face, “Do you really, Dean? Do you believe in us? Our relationship?”

“Yes. Christ, of course, I do, I hate that you even have to ask that” Dean answers quickly then takes both of Cas’s hands in both of his and looks directly into his eyes. “Cas, I’ve never lo- cared about anyone the way I care about you. I’ve been lost without you these past few weeks. I believe in you, sweetheart and I believe in us. I want to prove to you that I take our relationship seriously...”

Cas lets out a shaky breath, “How? How do you plan on proving that?”

“Well, first off, by being there for you. I want to be there for you whenever you need or want me.” Dean gives Cas a small smile which fades quickly. “I know I wasn’t there for you like I should have been in the past. Another thing is my flirting. Cas, I’m so sorry for being such an ass and flirting with people right in front of you. That was inexcusable. I had the best thing in the whole world and I risked losing it to be able to flash a wink at some random waitresses? How stupid am I? There’s no reason for me to flirt with anyone else when I have you in my life.

I want to take you out on dates and prove that you’re number one in my life. I want to have you over when Sam is visiting so we can spend time together, the three of us. I want us to spend time together with our friends, so we can get to know each other even better. I don’t know if any of this sounds like what you want, Cas. I hope it is. I hope that we can mend this and make things better.”

Just as Cas was about to reply, the waitress brings their food order. “Here you go guys, enjoy your dinner.” She smiles at Cas and bats her eyes flirtatiously. Dean adjusts his plate and looks up at her.

Dean smiles coldly at her, “Oh just so you know, I plan on paying for this dinner and if you keep winking at him like I’m not sitting right here, it’ll cost you your whole tip. You’re already cutting it pretty thin.”

The waitress, alarmed and turning beet red, glances between them before scurrying off, clearly embarrassed at having been called out. 

Castiel lifts his drink to his lips and smirks behind his glass, “That was amusing.”

“What?” 

“You scolding our waitress and the fact that you think you’re paying for this evening when actually I invited you out.” 

“Cas…”

“Ah, ah, ah.” says Castiel, his tone low and daring, “You know the rules, Dean. I asked you to meet up tonight, I will pay…” Castiel meets Dean’s eyes with a small smile and says, “You can pay next time…” 

Dean sees the playful twinkle in Castiel’s eyes and understands his words for what they are. A promise of more. He smiles and asks, “Yeah?” 

“Yes, Dean. And before I go into what I need to say I want to thank you for acknowledging where you went wrong before. Everything you said, I can’t even tell you how much it meant to me. So, thank you. And I know I’m not perfect and I know I’m not the easiest person to be around at times. I know I have to say I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment for weeks. That was so wrong of me, I’m ashamed to have done that to you. You didn’t deserve me completely cutting you off like that, and certainly not for so long. So, my return promise to you… is to never do that again, if we have a problem I promise we will talk about it. I won’t shut you out again. You have my word.”

“Yeah, I kinda did deserve it.” Dean says softly, “If it wasn’t for me leaving you stranded on the side of the road, you would never have been mugged.”

“That’s true.” Cas says, catching the sharp intake of breath that Dean takes, he hurries on, “but it doesn’t make the mugging your fault, Dean. It was something that happened after you left. I waited outside that bar for my ride, like an idiot.” 

“But, I left you…” Dean shakes his head. “I don’t think I can ever say I’m sorry enough. I could have lost you forever and all over my stupid pride.”

Castiel frowns slightly, “Why did you drive away?”

Dean takes a shaky breath before meeting his eyes once more, “I thought you were… leaving me. I thought when you got out of the car, it was over… I should have just got out of the car and spoken to you. But... I was scared.”

Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand in his own, “What a pair we make? You thought I’d left you, I thought you’d left me… This comes back to me not trying to escape from confrontation, without saying something at the very least. As I said, Dean, I won’t make that mistake again.” 

“And I won’t ever abandon you like that again,” Dean pulls Cas’s hand to his face and kissed each knuckle. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry you got hurt,” Between each kiss. Tears silently dripped down his cheeks. “Please, forgive me?” he whispers just loud enough to be heard. 

Cas fights back his own tears as he watches Dean beg for his forgiveness. Neither of them has even touched their food, yet. He listens to Dean as he apologizes and kisses his hand over and over again. He can tell that Dean is sincere in his apology, Dean is not one to cry for no reason. Pulling his hand back, Cas gets up and moves over to Dean’s side of the booth, putting his arm around Dean’s shoulders. He dips his head to get Dean’s attention, waiting for him to look into his eyes.

“Dean, of course, I accept your apology. I forgive you.” Cas wraps his arms around Dean and hugs him tight. “Now, stop crying before you make me cry, too.” 

Dean gives a watery laugh and wipes his eyes with a napkin. Leaning into Cas’s embrace, “You’re already crying!” Dean chuckles before letting out a relieved sigh, “Thank you, Cas.” 

“You’re welcome, Dean. Now, we should eat before our food gets too cold.”


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel’s hands are tingling with nervous excitement as he fumbles with his keys at the front door to his apartment. His eyes slip shut as soft lips press against the back of his neck, mouthing at him greedily and sending little shockwaves of arousal through his body like electricity. 

“Dean,” growls Cas heatedly, as he opens his eyes once more to concentrate on winning his battle with the lock, “I can’t focus when you do that, and unless you want to do this on the front step…” 

“I’d have done this in the car and you know it,” smirks Dean, swiping his tongue up Castiel’s skin again. And just to prove his point, he presses himself up against Castiel’s back, rolling his hips up slightly so that the other man can feel how badly he wants him. 

Finally, Cas wins the struggle with the door and they stumble into Cas’s apartment together. Dean kicks the door shut and turns Castiel around in his arms so that he can continue his passionate attack on Cas’s mouth. He licks into it as though Castiel is a drug and he is the addict, moaning at how good it makes him feel. His hands rise up to cup Cas’s face and neck and then slide back a little so that his fingers can curl into Castiel’s hair.

Pausing momentarily for air, Dean huffs out a wrecked sounding, “Fuck, I missed you so much Cas.” 

Dean runs his fingers through Cas’s hair, freezing as he touches the scar on the side of Cas’s head. He pauses for a moment, gently turning Castiel’s head to the side to part his hair and look at the scar. Guilt threatens to flood his system at the sight of it, but Cas catches his eyes and shakes his head. He leans forward, kissing Dean’s cheek tenderly, “I’m sorry” whispers Dean as Castiel pulls back again.

Cas holds Dean’s gaze and studies him closely, “It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault and it doesn’t hurt.” He meets Dean’s lips with his own for another heated kiss before he pulls back and sinks to his knees with a playful but sultry look on his face. His nails scrape lightly down the front of Dean’s shirt and he pulls it loose from his jeans as he descends to the ground in front of him. 

Cas hears the small, sharp intake of breath as Dean gasps, at the sight of him on his knees in front of him. Noticing Dean’s thickening erection Cas flicks his eyes up to Dean’s and sees the palpable lust there. He feels a rush of excitement that he still has this effect on Dean, so he hastily unzips his jeans. He sees Dean curl his hands into fists at his sides, before flattening them against the wall as though grounding himself. 

Making quick work of his belt and jeans, Cas frees Dean’s hard cock from his underwear and leans in to lick a stripe from base to crown. It’s been weeks since he was able to hold Dean. So, to have him here, finally, in his hands, to be able to taste him again - it feels like heaven. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed it until this moment. The memory of holding Dean, of them being together like this… in no way does it compare to the real thing, of having him here now and feeling him quiver under his fingertips. He wishes he could take back the time they lost, he wishes he could have seen the damage he himself was inflicting on their relationship by avoiding the issue for so long. Knowing he can’t, he makes up his mind to try and make it up to Dean in every way he knows how. Starting with, but by no means limited to, pleasure. He takes Dean’s impressive length into his mouth. Licking and sucking around the head of Dean’s cock teasingly as he looks up at Dean through his lashes. 

Dean’s head falls back against the wall with a dull thud, and his hands rise and carefully grip into Cas’s hair. 

“Holy fuck…” Dean breathes out, sounding wrecked already, “I missed you…” 

Cas releases Dean’s cock with an obscene sound and stands, his lips dark pink and glistening. He finds Dean’s hands that have fallen to his sides and roughly presses them into the wall above Dean’s head, passionately attacking Dean’s neck once more with his mouth. Swiping his tongue over Dean’s flushed and warming flesh and raking his teeth gently over his throat in a way that he knows has driven Dean wild in the past. He presses himself forward, rolling his crotch against Dean’s, groaning at the feeling of friction between them. 

He pulls away a few inches, looking at Dean’s face. Dean’s eyes are closed in bliss and his lip is caged between his teeth as he breathes raggedly through his nose. 

“Look at me, Dean.” he asks firmly, waiting for Dean’s eyes to flutter open and meet his own before he continues, “I would like to worship every inch of your body. To take you apart piece by beautiful piece until you are trembling and shaking beneath me… But, I honestly don’t think I can last that long. I want you so badly and I have missed you so much that I think I will have to owe you that one for later.” 

Castiel smirks, grabbing Dean’s face hungrily and firmly in his hands before kissing him solidly once more. It’s a desperate kiss, hard, and needy… and incredibly hot. His cock is throbbing in his jeans as he lets his hands drop and begins working the buttons on Dean’s shirt free, needing to feel Dean’s skin against his own body.

Dean follows the unspoken direction and starts unbuttoning Cas’s shirt. They leave a trail of clothes and shoes scattered carelessly across the hallway floor as they blindly push and pull their way to the bedroom. 

It takes them far longer than necessary to make it to the bedroom because they can’t stop kissing and touching each other. It’s as if they are physically incapable of breaking contact, so they stumble around, lips locked together, bumping into things along the way to the bedroom . 

Cas walks Dean backwards into the room until his legs bump into the end of the bed, with a small push Dean lands on his back on the soft mattress and Cas quickly climbs onto the bed after him. Cas runs his fingers teasingly across the top of Dean’s boxer briefs before hastily pulling them off, finally getting to see all of Dean. He tugs his own underwear down, throwing it over the side of the bed carelessly and lines his body up along Dean’s, finally able to relish in the feel of the warmth of Dean’s skin against his own. He tilts his head slightly, finding that sensitive spot on Dean’s throat. From there he marks a trail of sexy kisses all the way back to Dean’s lips, the bottom of which he captures gently between his teeth for a moment before releasing. 

He feels the heat of flesh against him as his and Dean’s cocks align and slide against one another. The sensation sends a shiver of arousal through him, and clearly through Dean too as the other man lets out a low moan that Cas catches in his mouth.

Cas moves away from Dean just long enough to reach for the lube in the drawer beside the bed. Coming back, resting back on his knees just long enough to pop the cap on the lube to dribble some onto his palm. Meeting Dean’s eyes again as he leans down and reaches between them to wrap his slick hand around both of them. Dean hisses and sinks his head deeper into the pillow below him.

“Mmm, yeah…” Dean breathes out. His lust darkened eyes never leaving Cas’s gaze.

“You like that?” Cas asks as he squeezes their cocks just right.

In lue of an answer, Dean reaches up and wraps his hand behind Cas’s neck and pulls him down into another needy kiss. Their foreheads remain touching and their breath mingles in the air between them as Cas continues to steadily jack them off. He can feel Dean’s fingers curl and tighten in his hair and hear his sharp gasps as he gradually speeds up his movements. 

Cas can feel the heat in his gut building, like the rumblings of a dormant volcano close to eruption, as he works their cocks together rapidly. He knows he’s getting close but he doesn’t want to come first, he wants to see Dean’s pleasure light up his face before he takes his own. He can feel Dean’s cock twitch and glancing down between them he sees his stomach muscles contract and tighten and he knows Dean’s close as well.

“Are you close? Are you gonna come for me?” He prompts Dean.

“Mhmm, yeah… fuck, so good, Cas.” Dean’s hands slip from Cas’s hair down his sides to his hips digging his fingers in, he pulls Cas ever so much closer as he fucks up into Cas’s hand. 

“God, I love… love the way you look right now.” Cas groans “So hot, so beautiful.”

“Fuck, Cas, I’m… guh…” Dean stammers just before he comes. 

The feeling of Dean’s cock throbbing in his hand and his feral moan of release, send Cas hurtling over the edge with a choked out cry. He continues to work them both through the aftershocks until he becomes over-sensitive. Glancing down he sees the strings of his thick and creamy come marking Dean’s gorgeous body and feels a wave of possessiveness wash over him. He never wants to be without Dean for so long again. He meets Dean’s eyes, hoping to silently send him the love he now knows he feels for him but doesn’t want to say for the first time after sex. Instead, breathless and sweat damp he collapses down beside Dean on the bed and tries to recover his breath.

Cas leans over to kiss Dean on the forehead before he gets up and goes to the bathroom to get a wet cloth. He cleans himself and takes the cloth back to the bedroom and gently wipes Dean clean. He tosses the cloth to the floor and climbs back into bed with Dean, snuggling up behind him and wrapping his arm around his waist, their legs tangling together. 

He kisses the back of Dean’s neck and thinks about all the time that they’ve missed because of their disagreement. “I’m sorry.” He says quietly, “I never want us to fight like that again.”

Dean turns slightly and brings his hand up to lace his fingers with Cas’s at his waist, “Me neither. Maybe next time we disagree we will do better and even use our words.”

Cas smiles and leans up, kissing Dean on the lips. “I promise to use my words.”

Dean turns in Cas’s arms and looks him in the eyes, “Me, too.”

They make out lazily until they fall asleep cuddling.


End file.
